Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - TheOldGuy

Pages: [1]
1
Jokes / Recognizing George
« on: September 01, 2008, 11:09:55 AM »
Recognizing George

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al.

Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George."

Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al.

Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George."

Mortician: "How can you tell?"

Al: "George had two assholes."

Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?"

Al: "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town you'd hear people say, "Here comes George with those two assholes!"



2
Jokes / Gambling
« on: September 01, 2008, 11:07:25 AM »

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.

After Little Johnny’s first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, “I think I broke his gambling”. The father asked how and she said, “He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.”

“DAMN!” said the father.
“What’s wrong?”, the teacher asked.

Little Johnny’s father said, “This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher’s butt before the day was over!”


3
Jokes / Answering machine message #15..
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:53:12 PM »

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

4
Jokes / Re: redneck pick up lines
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:40:19 PM »

5
Jokes / Re: After 40 Years of being married !!!
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:38:51 PM »

7
Jokes / Re: Frivolous Lawsuit
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:28:08 PM »

8
Jokes / Looking For Cops
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:12:37 PM »

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.

"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."


9
Jokes / Pregnancy Advice
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:09:11 PM »

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.'

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.'

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?

10
Jokes / Viagra For The Elderly...
« on: August 30, 2008, 12:05:41 PM »


A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.

"How are you grandpa?" he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.

"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."



11
Old posts / Re: PFP Labor Labour day Freerolls
« on: August 18, 2008, 11:47:34 AM »
Looks like a BUSY day for some of us.

12
Hi Shar - Fancy meeting you here!!

13
Members sign-in / Another home for TheOldGuy...
« on: August 18, 2008, 11:13:05 AM »

Name: TheOldGuy  (Steve)
Age:  OLD  (I've lived in 7 decades so far)
Location:  Indiana (in front of my computer)
Years Playing Poker: 50+
Favorite Poker Pro:  Daniel Negreanu
Favorite Poker Site:  Where ever I can win!!
Favorite Live Casino:  Don't know - never been to any.  Local bar games is probably the closest thing to a casino I've been in.
Favorite Starting Hand:  J 10 suited (actually the eventual winner)
Favorite Game Type:  Like them all though I don't really care for HORSE.  You won't see me in many HORSE tournies unless it's free or I can't find any other games to play.
Biggest Win: None to brag about
Other info: I also like computers, playing with graphics programs, oldies and country music, and jokes. Admin at Jokertat Poker Forum and Moderator at QueensNKings Forum.

Pages: [1]